An unforeseen interruption...

For the few of you who were actually eager to read my next post, I must apologize. I haven't been able to get my mind off work recently (poor excuse, I know, but it really is the truth!), and to top it off, I must leave for three weeks... But I will be back in May with, I'm certain of it, a lot of absurd anecdotes that I will gladly share with you! I'll be staying in Cold Lake, Alberta. Enough said.

So until then,

Tata

Did you know that most Kleenex tissue boxes didn't know they even existed?

Wow, did I catch your attention there!
I actually wanted to talk about my pet rhino... His name's Alfonso. But as most of you must know, rhinos are very sensitive about their name, so mine doesn't really talk to me right now. He's not too crazy about the name I chose for him.
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Ok, I can imagine that by now you must be asking yourself: "Why the hell am I still wasting my time reading this putrid nonsense?" Well I'll tell you why. Later.

Tata

A Tale of Valour

I finally have it figured out. The reason why fish never close their eyes, besides not having eyelids, is that they need to see where they're going at all times so they won't bump into submarine windows. Because if they did, you can be sure some idiot would roll down that window to see if the fish was alright...
So anyway, besides deserving a Nobel prize in Understanding The Little Useless Things in the Universe, I also took the garbage out today.
Gather 'round and I shall tell ye a tale, me lads.
It all begun when I noticed a strange, unwelcomed stench in the general area surrounding the top left part of the trash can's cover. "A dying ant colony", I thought. Never have I been more wrong. It was more like a mixture of roting pieces of semi-digested koala meat that my pet rhino had unfortunately misplaced after a rather vigorous encounter with the kitchen's counter-top. "Poor koala" you say? How could you pity such a vile creature? Not only does it sleep all day and doesn't perform any entertaining tricks, it couldn't even manage to stay in my lovely rhino's stomach for more than thirty-two minutes!
So there I was, struggling between the urge to grab the nearest best cheapest used WWII armored tank which I would use to wipe out the entire population of koalas in Val-Bélair, and the feeling of vague nausea caused by that stench. Since I'm still here to delight you with my most intriguing tale, and not hung by my testicules by an angry mob of Tree-Huggers-Animal-Lovers-Nature-Smokers, you might have gathered that I opted for the nausea, and quietly went to relieve myself in the sink.
After that unfortunate weakness, I stood up straight, brushed away any remains, and marched fearlessly towards that dreaded trash bin. Then I tripped on my shoelace that quite viciously became undone while I was... conversing with the sink. With a show of surprising flexibility and agility, I leapt forward to avoid the most disgusting part of the carcass and landed on the very hard and very unforgiving ceramic tiles of my kitchen. But at least my honor was safe (mostly), and the bruise on my face is a reminder of the dangers that lie in a regurlar home...
I got up, looked around in the hope that nobody got a glimpse of my misfortune, and after I was completely satisfied that no one had witnessed this event, I charged towards the soiled waste recipient once more. I grabbed it by the edges, swung it across my shoulders and ran like the wind through the door, which I had previously opened to get rid of the foul smell. Quickly reajusting my pace so that innocent bystanders woudn't get tipped over by such a "rafale", I quietly strolled down the driveway and gently put down the revolting object.
And I am pround to announce that my elbows didn't get dirty, and that they are still one of the prettiest things in the Universe.
Until next time,

Tata

Is this the drug store?

I was on my way to the drug store to get some pills for my Guinness addiction, and I ended up in here... So what the hell, I might as well say something deep and impressive:
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Fish and Guinness. Nothing but fish and Guinness on my mind. It's a curse, you know...

Wow, not bad at all for my first post. Now I think I will meditate on this for the next week or so, and I will return wiser and more prepared for my next post...

Tata