Red Lobster chez Aupy

Lobsters are tasty. It's been a while since I've had some (the last time being the 1st of July 2004 in Afghanistan...) and I thought that tonight would be a good time to have that luxury again.
Yes, I am aware that it IS a luxury. Those prices are completely outrageous, but the people I invited were very good friends and I honestly think that they enjoyed themselves tonight.
I know, my post is not a funny story, but it so happens that I sometimes have something "genuine" to say about my weird life... Deal with it!

Tata

Shake that red nose of yours, you dirty little reindeer!

By now you must've gathered that pretty much anything can get me horny...
So imagine what I must have looked like tonight at a very popular bar in downtown Québec.... Well actually I'm not sure I want you to picture that... Let's just say I was the main attraction.

Sweet dreams, ladies!

Tata

Hyundai Rules!!!!!!

Ok. Anyone who wants to can roll on the floor laughing their guts out (and possibly breaking a couple of ribs in the process). And the reason for this is as follows: I have once again been confronted with a rather anoying problem with my piece of shit car. Take that brocoli out of your ears so I can entertain you once again with one of my not-so-serious-yet-still-quite-true stories.
Mid-week. Early morning. Darkness all around me. Sexy iguanas having sex as would a couple of rabbits on viagra. Then that damnable alarm clock's ridiculously loud noise pulls me out of my wonderful dream, like every morning of the week. I've been doing this for a long time now, and still I can't adjust. How is it that the body can't get used to waking up early? Anyway back to the story...
After struggling with my slippers, fumbling with my bathrobe, and in a very zombie-like manner walked to the kitchen, I managed to fix myself some breakfast, get dressed and ready for work without any serious injury (which is a miracle considering that I do all this with my eyes closed and still half -asleep...). Then the not-so-funny part. I walk up to the so called "car" in the driveway, open a door, put my gear in, sit down, and shut the door. Or not. With a weird "thump" the door bounces back out. "Hum.... Ok, let's try that again." And the same thing occurs, even after checking for obstructions... So I figured that the locking mechanism was frozen.
Let's review the situation: I'm in my driveway in a busted-ass vehicule which door won't shut properly, it's 06:35 and I start work at 07:00... and it normally takes me about 30 minutes to get to work because of the traffic.
Don't panic, I was trained to handle much worse situations.
...
...
Ok so I kicked the door a couple of times while shouting quite rude words... Everybody looses patience in certain situations... I guess...
Anyway all this to tell you that if you want to have a good time, try wrapping yourself in foil and lying in the sun for a couple of hours... Oh no wait, that's not related to my story, is it?
Ok so here it is: I got to work just barely in time by some weird miracle, holding the door with my left hand all the way to the base... Not a particularly safe way to travel, I agree.
So next time you eat some chocolate, be sure to wash your hands before.
Think about it.

Tata

Bang bang... mmmmm....

Is gun powder supposed to make you horny? 'Cause I've been shooting all day long (around 500 rounds), and all I can think about is naked women dancing around a giant blue mushroom upon which a winged crocodile with a top hat is singing "Dancing Queen"...
... Why, Oh! Why do I have those fantasies? They are very exciting, I know, and most people probably have the same, but I wonder how I could ever live one! Finding a crocrodile who can sing "Dancing Queen" is very difficult, trust me, I've tried!!! And I don't want any substitute: a penguin singing "I will Survive" is NOT acceptable... So very unsexy...
So anyway if you want to help me in my quest, please look for such a crocodile, and call me when you found one. Thank you, I appreciate it.

Ciao

Ding-Dong.... AAAAA! What the f....???

... and you better get it right, you ignorant nose-picking yokel!!!!
Oh sorry, didn't notice you were reading... I was referring of course to those irritating salesperson who think it's appropriate to disturb an honest citizen so very early in the morning... Imagine that: it's saturday, noonish, and the doorbell rings. I'm still naked, in the warmth and comfort of my bed, the coffee's not even brewing yet, and my imaginary pet kangaroo is still sound asleep. At the very disturbing sound of the doorbell, I jump out of my cocoon, run for cover, then realize it's not a bomb drill, get up and run to the door (still naked), put my combat boots on, open the door, shut the door because it's so very very cold out, look through the glass to see a very traumatised young girl, who was probably selling chocolate to collect money for her sick grandma or something... Oh well, I guess I won't be crowned King of Decency today either...
Which brings me back to my original train of thought. Selling crap to neigbours by going door to door is NOT an appropriate way to spend a saturday for a kid. They should be stuffing bananas in cars exhaust pipes, throwing toilet paper rolls at their teachers houses, stealing candy and whatnot at nearby convenience stores... and possibly sneaking in an X-rated movie theater to catch a glimpse of hot action.
So there you go. That's what I think. Now my kangaroo can go back to sleep... He's had a very agitated day...

Bonne nuit

Is that my sanity? Did it finally come back?

Is there a way to tell a dwarf giraf from a coconut flavored fish stick? I always get those two mixed up, and it can be embarrasing, especially when I'm picking wedding gifts...
Did you know that our beloved dwarf girafs are actively planning their takeover of the world? At first I was sceptic too, but I got the indeniable proof this morning when one of them told me she was running for mayor.
Oh well, I guess you'll have to check back later to witness the return of my sanity...

Until then,
Tata.