Soap and suspenders

Well, it seems that I am a homeless person as of today. I decided to throw away the shackles of home-ownership to run free of that burden and experiment the life that so many hippies have been living since the original Woodstock.
...
Ok for those who know me, this is fucked up right here. I would never, for any reason and under any circumstance abandon the pleasure, and necessity of soap. Nor would I ever renounce that love for luxury I am known for. "But then, what did you mean by "homeless" then?" are you asking yourself. Well let me tell you right now what I mean by "homeless". Pull up a chair, a log, or even the corpse of a dead monkey; whatever suits you.
I sold my house so now I live in a hotel for a couple of weeks, until I get my new house.
There. Are you sorry you killed that monkey so you could have a comfy seat, expecting a captivating story?? Well don't be, I strongly suspect that monkey of stealing my suspenders! I'm wearing my pants around my ankles, right now... It's a disgrace.
So due to an unforseen monkey-related disturbance, I have to conclude this post with this remark: don't ever befriend a monkey wearing loose pants.

Later dudes.