The Knowledge Chronicles

Following my recent chronicle on VITGDWYTK (if you don't know what that is, look it up in my 26 Jan 2007 post), I am now also convinced that these so-called ''lamp posts'' neatly lined up in our streets are actually a multi-purpose tool that the Government uses to:

a) keep an eye on their unsuspecting disciples (a.k.a sheeple, a.k.a meat popsicles);
b) channel fresh air in their underground golf courses/VIP highways/secret lairs;
c) signal the incoming alien invasion ships so they know where to land;
d) and possibly (I might have to double check this one) provide some sort of light for vehicles, although this hardly makes any sense because every vehicle has its own light source...

I can already hear you say:
''Duh, we've all seen these cameras on the posts, they're for traffic control and citizen safety!''

Oh dear, such naïveté... Those cameras are decoys. Empty plastic boxes with a red LED. Go ahead, test it: pull down your pants, wiggle what you have down there and wait for the cops to show up. They never will.
No my young, young friend. The technology they use to monitor the weak minded minions does not work that way. It uses the post to record the brain waves and relay them underground.

Settle down, you with the foil hat. It does nothing. If anything, it makes you look very attractive, but not any safer. What you need is a special paint that keeps all the waves inside the skull. Careful though, you have to focus all the time so you don't fry your brain. It takes practice. Ask any football fan. There's virtually no brain activity, according to my sources.

Yes, I have sources that work deep underground, but I can't say anything else on that, I'm sure you'll understand.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go sabotage the alien invasion by directing their ships to land on Justin Beiber's house...