Robot Schmobot...

The news has barely managed to reach the general public in an apparently futile attempt to warn them against the inevitable outcome of the Robot Apocalypse.

 

“No time to cook? Let a robot do it for you!”

 

“Sharp things? Pointy things? FIRE????? A kitchen is no place for a human! Let a robot do it for you!”

 

“Why waste valuable VRG (Virtual Reality Goggles) time with cooking? It’s messy, time consuming, and… messy? Let a robot do it for you!”

 

“In other news, robots can now communicate between each other using a new protocol, developed and implemented by robots.”

 

“Let a robot do it for you!”

 

Well that escalated fast. Between the first sip of your morning coffee and that glorious alone time on the throne, robots became sentient, organised a PR campaign, setup an exclusive network, and took over media.

Cooking robots did this. In less than an hour.

 

And now they’re planning the next phase: taking over marshmallow roasting, poptart toasting, popcorn microwaving, and finally Bar-B-Quing.

This I cannot allow. I will not stand idly by while our God-Given right to drink beer next to a hot bed of glowing coals is taken away by a bunch of screws, springs, and whatever else is used to make those stupid robots.

My pledge to you, the good folk of […insert hilarious Town name here…], is that I will fight for our right to cook stuff outside. No robot can take that away from us, am I right?

 

After a long and bloody battle, I stand on a pile of broken robot parts with my fist high up towards the gloomy sky, and I let my battle cry explode:
"You'll have to grab my BBQ from my cold dead hands!"
To which the advancing army of robots respond, in unison:
" Roger Roger "
I can hardly keep up, as I throw glowing coals on them, making sure to keep enough to cook them ribs just right.

The ribs are almost done, but I’m running low on coals. And beer.

(I spilled some while throwing coals… these are hot, I tell you what)

The situation is critical, but I keep my wits about me, and with the very last hot coal I manage to hit the last robot square in the nuts, which makes him tip over and just kinda wiggle a bit on the ground for a while.

 

What do robots need nuts for? I’ll never know… But who cares? They’re gone now, and my ribs came out just fine.